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Understanding what comes next puts you back in control of your own reactions.

There's a marked difference between a relationship hiccup and the game of hot and cold.

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One minute you're high on the warmth of their attention, the next minute you're frozen out and left wondering what happened. Whether you call it push/pull, on/off, or hot and cold, the end result is the same. Whether done consciously or unconsciously, this type of behavior activates longing and pursuit. If we don't understand the game of hot and cold, we can find ourselves pulled into a drama of confusion. Understanding this type of behavior is crucial even for those of you committed to not playing games.

Behavioral extremes indicate a power play is being employed. Once we have the ability to see hot and cold for what it is, we're less likely to suffer its negative effects.

Relationship hiccups occur because your partner is emotionally invested, but scared. Once stated, the hot phase normally reboots and continues with forward movement.

A hot and cold player reverts to cold as the norm, with bursts of hot that don't result in forward movement.

The woman's responsibility is to determine whether or not the man she dates is willing to play the game with some integrity.

Furthermore, the woman has every right to call a foul.

The same premise applies in sports--- if you want to win, you must not only play the game well but you must see yourself as a winner from the onset.

What I am really saying is that any woman, at any time, can decide that she is the one "carrying the ball" and therefore has the right and the responsibility to "run with it." A common error that women make in dating is to place themelves in a defensive position rather than an offensive position.

Not only is the woman carrying the ball, she must also appoint herself the official, the umpire, and the referee.

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